Obesity Discussion Forums

[elderboots]

I have been doing pretty good on my diet lately, slow but good. Trying to do the exercises that I can, and watching what I eat. My spouse has never really been too supportive, but last night they went too far. I was told that I was much more attractive when I was smaller. Ever since the back surgeries I have been unable to do very much, and all of the weight just sorta popped up. I told them that I did not gain because I wanted to it just got away from me. I guess you like to think you got married for better or worse, not skinny or fat. They have put on some weight in our eight year marriage too, but I still see the beautiful person that I married. I still love them, but man that's pretty shallow. I guess some people are better at letting their true feelings known than others. Seems like just when you get up a little bit..........BOOM, somethings there to knock you down. I refuse to get any lower than I am. I WILL be successful! I did not say all of this for anyone's pity. I just went to the only place that I could vent, and get some support. I knew that the people on this site would understand, and give some comforting words. THANKS GUYS!

[William Wallace]

Ouch, that was one of those things better kept to oneself.

I'm sorry to hear that came out of her mouth!

[Chrisydj]

ew that wasnt nice. When I was married my xhusband would always tell me how fat I was and then get upset if i exercised because he thought i was trying to look better so i could meet someone else. funny thing is i only weighed about 120lbs then. i was so thin that my cheeks were actually sunk in and i looked sick all the time. I think he was just trying to keep me feeling bad about myself so i wouldnt leave.

[MikeB]

I can't tell if you're a guy or a girl. Most men are attracted to physical beauty and learn to love the woman inside. Most women are in love with the inner person and don't care about the looks as much. Theses are generalizations but I feel they are pretty dead on. I would expect that comment from a man but not as much from a woman.

I'd like to say one thing here, the person was being truthful with you. They were more attracted to you when you were thinner, there's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't base your self esteem on your partners opinion anyhow, that comes from within. Now, the key is you need to lose weight, period. If you maintain this weight you will have health problems, forget beauty, forget everything else. Do you want to live a long, healthy, enjoyable life or do you want to be to be in a wheel chair or have limbs amputated from diabetes when you get older? Your choice....

[Alexxa]

OUCH... That must really hurt... My boyfriend keeps telling me that he likes me with all this fat. The problem is I know him pretty well and I think he just says that because he is a ferociously (spelling???) jealous guy and doesn't want me to lose the weight because he doesn't want me to be more attractive. I've been told dozens of times in my life that I have a beautiful face. And he's told me that as well. I just keep wondering if he wouldn't mind if I had a beautiful body to go with my face...

[Ireland]

Originally Posted by elderboots

I was told that I was much more attractive when I was smaller.

that hurts but look at it from her point of view, she said what my husband is thinking but is just has not said it yet. You know yourself that you looked better when you when slimmer - Heck I know I sure the hell did. You have started to loose weight - she is noticing and remembering how you looked when you were at your best and is compairing you to that. I am sure you have a long list of reasons you want to loose weight and now you just have another reason to add to it.

Talk to her about it

XXX

[NightMist]

Sorry to hear it effected you badly. I've gotten used to the direct talk treatment growing up in NY myself. But it still does hurt when they just out it one day.

Personally my wife has never called me fat but then she hasn't said that I'm sexy in about 10 years. Kind of the same effect for me. But I know I'm no god (cept maybe buddha).

Just keep focused on the goal and don't let anyone hold you back!

[Poptart]

Originally Posted by MikeB

I'd like to say one thing here, the person was being truthful with you. They were more attracted to you when you were thinner, there's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't base your self esteem on your partners opinion anyhow, that comes from within. Now, the key is you need to lose weight, period. If you maintain this weight you will have health problems, forget beauty, forget everything else. Do you want to live a long, healthy, enjoyable life or do you want to be to be in a wheel chair or have limbs amputated from diabetes when you get older? Your choice....

I'm sorry but I totally disagree. It's a humiliating and hurtful thing to say that is only ever received badly.

Of course your self esteem is a reflection of how your partner perceives you... its never just about how you view yourself...

I have had similar things said and it does the exact opposite of pushing you into action.... a breakdown in spirit is slippery slope