Obesity Discussion Forums

[kelcam]

Hello all... I am 36 years old and I weigh in at 385. I have been on so many diets and my wieght has gone from the highest of 300 to the low of 230. I was happy when I was 230. I was able to do things like paint my toe nails and get in my car (neon). I have been sticking to a 1800 calorie no more then 15 grams fat with each meal and it doesnt seem to be doing much of anything. I was looking at surgery but I dont want to feel like I am cheating. I have three wonderful children that I am hoping that doesnt turn out to be like me. I have been heavy my whole life, I love food and that is what I turn to when I am happy, sad, depressed, lonely..... I am looking for friends to give me support.

[Jasmine130]

Hi Kelcam, and welcome to this site! A little over 2 years ago, I weighed at least 354 and my bmi was almost 60. I was pretty miserable and discouraged because I had tried so many diets, worked out faithfully and just wasn't getting anywhere. I would stay on a meal plan for awhile but then engage in binge-eating. Finally, after 20 years of this, I decided to have weight loss surgery.

I used to feel somehow that I would be cheating if I took the weight loss surgery option. But who would I be cheating? Certainly not myself -- I stood to benefit from losing my excess weight. My super morbid obesity was what was doing the cheating -- cheating me out of health and the ability to do all the active things I wanted to do, like kayak, ride horse, etc.

Ultimately, I would have cheated myself out of a long and healthy life if I *didn't* have the surgery.

Having weight loss surgery and maintaining the lifestyle necessary for long-term success is hard work. It's not the easy way out by any means but I can tell you it's the best thing I ever did for myself!

Weight loss surgery was the last and best option for me. It's not for everybody though!

What are your current plans for meals and exercise and what are your goals? We're here to support you in your efforts and cheer you on to your target!

Jasmine

[lostnfound]

Hi Kelcam, and welcome

[monique]

Welcome Kelcam!

Please don't give up! Just because you haven't found something that works for you doesn't mean it doesn't exist! How long have you been keeping to 1800 calories? I have found that watching my calories does not make me lose weight quite as fast as the estimates I found online (maybe because I have an underactive thyroid) but it DOES work! You just have to be patient and realize that those of us who got very large (personally I really dislike the term Jasmine's made up of "super morbid obesity!") are going to have to limit our calories for a few years to reach our goal, and keep track once we get there.

I suggest you stop looking for a diet or any kind of temporary fix. What you need is to find a new lifestyle that you can live with long term and that keeps you losing weight, even slowly. You know you can lose weight because you've done it before! You just need to be persistent and get back to 230 and then figure out how to stay there this time!

I found that therapy and dealing with WHY I didn't prioritize my health over my enjoyment of eating is what let me get in the right frame of mind to commit to my weight loss attempts now. If losing weight is important enough to you, you CAN do it! If I can do it, anyone can!

~Monique

[kelcam]

Thank you everyone for the kind words... so to make things even worse for myself, I had to bring my son to the doctors and I thought I would wiegh myself... I am heavier then I have ever been. I am at 302 pounds. I am going to attend the gastric bypass surgery seminar that is coming to my area Nov. 5th. I am hoping that that will give me the information that I need to asnswer all my questions. I have changed little things to make it a life style and not a diet but sometimes the temptations are too hard to resist. How do you make these lifestyle changes and then resist the "good" stuff you use to eat? I love ice cream and I am having a hard time not drinking soda. Can anyone give me advise on how to kick those habits? Thank you for the support.

[Fluffymomma]

I can't even paint my toenails at 256. I know I will feel better if I can at least get to 200 #. I am hoping my new venture (starting today) with Weight Watchers can help me do that.

Good luck to you. There's support here for sure. We're all in this together.

[monique]

I could paint my toenails at 350! So you can work on flexibility even before losing weight. Although I think depending on where you carry the weight your stomach could get in the way.

About resisting sweets, I too LOVE ice cream! But what I do is have an actual serving, which is a half cup. Depending on the brand and flavor that can be anywhere from 120 to 280 calories, but for me it's worth it, and I set aside that many calories ahead of time for a treat! A couple days ago my husband brought home a pecan pie, a mini one that could easily be 2 big servings, and I have been good and cut my half into 4 little 50 gram pieces of about 200 calories each. I would rather have a little taste of it than resist it altogether. Spreading it over 3 or 4 days actually lets me enjoy it MORE! For me, realizing I can control my portions has been really great, it makes me feel confident that I can keep this up and eventually reach my goals. There are many who find they need to go the cold-turkey route, but for me that wasn't necessary. I suggest experimenting, and only buying small amounts of sweets and having your family help you and remind you that you only wanted that one taste and the rest will be there tomorrow. Ben and Jerry's ice cream is pretty high calorie but it comes in smaller cartons of 4 servings, and you can even get some flavors in tiny 1/2 cup single serving cartons that come with a little spoon. If you find the taste is not enjoyable enough to be worth resisting seconds, then maybe you won't want to buy it again.

Same with soda! I never drank it much so it wasn't that hard for me to give up, but I do still have fruit juice now and then. I measure out one cup and consider it dessert, and it's worth the calories to me now and then.

If you really think about it and consider the "cost" in calories of the foods you like it might even make you appreciate them more! It has for me, I find having lower calorie foods is easier when I think of it as a way to fill up while saving calories for a treat. In the same way I'm able to go out to dinner to my favorite burger place and really enjoy my burger by having it with a salad instead of fries and drinking unsweetened iced tea. If losing weight matters to you, then little sacrifices aren't that hard because they seem worth it! Trust me, it gets easier when you notice it's working and realize that you are capable of controlling your food and not letting it control you!

~Monique

[MichaelB]

Monique, for what it's worth, I've heard the term "super morbid obesity" before. I think they've shorted it to simply "super obesity" at this point, but "super morbid obesity" is not something that Jasmine's concocted as part of some evil plan to make severly obese people feel bad about themselves.

Kelcam, I'd suggest consulting with a doctor if at all possible... There may be a medical reason that you're not losing the weight you expect to be losing.

[Jasmine130]

Hi there KelCam, I'm thinking about your post above where you ask:

How do you make these lifestyle changes and then resist the "good" stuff you use to eat? I love ice cream and I am having a hard time not drinking soda. Can anyone give me advise on how to kick those habits?

These are very, very good and important questions to ask. They apply to anyone who wants to lose weight: how can I control my eating habits to help me lose the weight I want to lose, and how can I maintain my target weight in the long term?

This is where support and "homework" comes in. Those who are most successful at losing weight and keeping it off are those who are involved in support groups, especially in person support groups. If you have weight loss surgery, your surgeon or hospital may have a surgery support group (mine does and I also attend the surgery support group at Stanford University Hospital). Other groups can be very supportive, like Weight Watchers, TOPS, or the one I attend and find very helpful -- Overeaters Anonymous.

Some people are able to moderate their intake of sweet and salty snacks. I'm not one of those who can have a couple of cookies, I want the whole thing. I am a recovering compulsive overeater and need to stay away from certain foods that trigger a binge for me. I don't know if you've ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but here are symptoms of binge-eating disorder:

Signs and Symptoms of Compulsive Overeating/Binge Eating Disorder

1. Fear of not being able to control eating, and while eating, not being able to stop.
2. Isolation. Fear of eating around and with others.
3. Chronic dieting on a variety of popular diet plans.
4. Holding the belief that life will be better if they can lose weight.
5. Hiding food in strange places (closets, cabinets, suitcases, under the bed) to eat at a later time.
6. Vague or secretive eating patterns.
7. Self-defeating statements after food consumption.
8. Blames failure in social and professional community on weight.
9. Holding the belief that food is their only friend.
10. Frequently out of breath after relatively light activities.
11. Excessive sweating and shortness of breath.
12. High blood pressure and/or cholesterol.
13. Leg and joint pain.
14. Weight gain.
15. Decreased mobility due to weight gain.
16. Loss of sexual desire or promiscuous relations.
17. Mood swings. Depression. Fatigue.
18. Insomnia. Poor Sleeping Habits.

(Source: University of Pennsylvania/Office of Health Education)

So, you may be able to control your portions of certain foods, but if you tend to binge-eat, you may need to exclude them altogether. Trust me! Life goes on without cake, pie and ice cream!

I'll be interested to hear your thoughts after attending the bariatric surgery seminar. I heard from a friend this morning that she has been approved for the lapband and is excited but also scared that she will not be able to make the lifestyle changes necessary to succeed. It's hard, but it can be done if you avail yourself of effective support.

If you do decide to go ahead with bariatric surgery, I think you'll want to surround yourself with those who will support you in your decision. There seem to be any number of people "out there" who will try to dissuade you from this path. They mean well, but sometimes they are misinformed. Or, they think it's "cheating" or "the easy way out" or if you choose surgery, you're "not losing weight on your own". These are opinions that have little or nothing to do with reality.

Others simply are so against surgery for themselves that they blur the lines and think that since they would NEVER have surgery, no one else should ever have it either. Again, they are usually very well-intentioned but perhaps haven't yet learned to live and let live.

This is your decision and it should be the most informed, well-reasoned decision you can make, but in the end, it's *your* decision!

Hugs to you!

-Jasmine

P.S. At 354+ pounds, super morbidly obese -- I couldn't polish my toenails either. I could barely clip them! It hadn't anything to do with flexibility, but my belly fat simply got in the way. You can only squish it so much .

[YuselinMaikel]

Welcome to the forum and I'm glad you joined us. Let me start by saying that you don't have to feel bad about turning to food when you're happy, sad, or any emotional state. I am the same way and I'm trying to correct it before my health is in jeopardy. Have you think about having a diet plan to follow certain things or a "to-eat-list" that's what I'm doing now along with exercise. I know it sounds crazy but I am counting all calorie intakes for the whole day. According to my height, age, and weight I'm suppose to be around the 1580 calories a day and I'm going for it and there's some days I keep it low to 1500-1400. I know exercise will kill you for the first 2-3 weeks, but I'm doing it if I can you or anyone else can. Keep up the effort, strength, and will for your health and the health of your children. Thanks for choosing us as part of your emotional support and you'll receive lots of it from this page. Good luck and keep us updated.

[monique]

For the record, the medical terms are "severe morbid obesity" and "severe obesity." "Super" is not a medical term. It's just an adjective like "ultra" or "mega" that SOME doctors might use but it is certainly not official. I think currently the preferred medical terms are stage 1, 2, and 3 obesity. I didn't mean to imply it was made up in order to make people feel bad, but I do think it's an insensitive term. Since it continues to be used I just want to assure others to whom it applies that they shouldn't let it make them feel bad.

~Monique

[Jasmine130]

Uh-oh. We'd better not use Stage terminology either. That terminology is used for cancer patients to describe the extent to which cancerous cells are or are not metastasized. We don't want to make people feel bad like that!

Staging terminology is the same as saying: overweight; obese; morbidly obese. It's the same as breaking up elementary school reading groups into The Bluebirds; The Robins; The Eagles. It doesn't take long before the other birds know that the eagles are better readers than they.

I described myself as super morbidly obese because that's what I was. I was also very fat, very overweight, uber-zaftique, tres reubenesque, big, large. On the way down the scale, I was fat, overweight, heavy, obese, chubby, chunky, full-figured. Now, I am thin, slender, petite, normal. I'm at a comfortable weight now, but if I went to an extreme, I would be skinny, scrawny, skeletal, too thin, waiflike. See, these are just descriptors I have used or would use, for myself, and then only about one aspect myself.

Monique, if these descriptors hurt your feelings, you should use whatever feels better for you. At the same time I hope you can come to realize that if I or someone else describe self as super morbidly obese, it's not about you, but about me or them. Knowing where one person ends and you begin, can promote a healthy sense of you and other and help you not take umbrage where no offense is intended.

[matt007]

Hi and welcome Kel. On problem foods like ice cream and soda, they're really tough if you have a hard time controlling those portions you might just want to go cold turkey. Ice cream was a problem food for me too, I just didn't buy any for a couple months and that was that. Now what I do is if I want ice cream I'll buy individual serving things like ice cream bars and then at least I have a good idea how much I'm eating and for me it's easier to control portions that way. It's easier to have 1 icecream sandwich than 8 ounces of icecream. But I don't get them much, because I just don't have the cravings anymore for the most part.

I don't drink soda, so all I can say is what I've heard. If you basically go cold turkey to just water (or flavored water if that's too hard) sooner or later you won't want soda anyway. Or even if you switched from regular soda to diet soda and then diet soda to I don't know tonic water mixed with crystal light, and then to just flavored water, and then finally regular water. I don't like the taste of soda personally, but I think that's more because I don't drink it than because of my tastes.

[MichaelB]

Originally Posted by Wikipedia

Some modifications to the WHO definitions have been made by particular bodies. The surgical literature breaks down "class III" obesity into further categories whose exact values are still disputed.

• Any BMI ≥ 35 or 40 is severe obesity
• A BMI of ≥ 35 or 40–44.9 or 49.9 is morbid obesity
• A BMI of ≥ 45 or 50 is super obese

(Asians develops health complications at a lower BMI than Caucasians, so the Japanese have redefined obesity as BMI > 25.0, and use the lower set of figures above.)

Arguing about terminology is kinda pointless and counterproductive, IMHO. Call it what you will...the basic premise is all the same, you'd be healthier if you lost a few pounds. *shrug*

[Jasmine130]

Originally Posted by MichaelB

Arguing about terminology is kinda pointless and counterproductive, IMHO. Call it what you will...the basic premise is all the same, you'd be healthier if you lost a few pounds. *shrug*

MichaelB, you are absolutely right. I'm going to stop it right now!

Jasmine

[lostnfound]

Hi Kel. On ice cream and soda.

Ice cream was a problem food for me too when I first started trying to lose weight. I would buy individual serving like ice cream bars ( you can find some with only 100 cal. ) Try not to buy the Ice cream you have scoop youself. After a while I stop needing to buy sweets.

I used to love soda. I would drink it more then I ate. So what I did was just stop drinking it. After a while your body will not like the taste. The only thing I drink now is water and small amounts of orange juice.

[monique]

There is obviously no reason to stop using terms that others find insensitive except the wish to be polite. I can't help it if you don't care. Maybe you should just start referring to people as "lard-asses" or "mega-fatsos" if you feel like respecting other people's sensitivities is a waste of your time.

Personally, I feel that the whole reason this site is useful is that is a place we can come for support and respect in our attempts to lose weight. I wonder why someone would continue to come here and post if they don't see that as reasonable?

~Monique

[Fluffymomma]

All I know is I feel super and severely obese and have a big lard a** to prove it!

[moonlighter]

Originally Posted by MichaelB

(Asians develops health complications at a lower BMI than Caucasians, so the Japanese have redefined obesity as BMI > 25.0, and use the lower set of figures above.)

I am overweight according to WHO definition for caucasian but still obese according to the asian category (complicated), btw im asian so i'l stick to the asian category. overweight or obese, we should help each other lose weight... good luck to all!

[monique]

Fluffymomma, but would you want other people to call you that? I will refer to myself as fat but I still don't like to be called fat by others, unless maybe I know them well enough that it's clearly not intended to be rude.

I still think it would be preferable for all of us to try and be respectful of others in our use of language.

~Monique