Obesity talk is food for thought
Living example: Show kids a healthy lifestyle
By Sheena McFarland
The Salt Lake Tribune
Salt Lake Tribune
Parents are expected to talk to their kids about sex, drinking and drugs, but one subject remains taboo: weight.
A study shows that the majority of parents feel they have to choose between having a loving relationship with their child or talking to them about their weight issues.
About two-thirds of parents feared they would hurt their children's feelings, while about half feared they would undermine their self-esteem if they discussed their children's weight issues, said David Maxfield, director of research for the Provo-based VitalSmarts, which performed the study.
"Parents are very afraid of how their children will react," Maxfield said. "As a result, the weight problem doesn't get resolved."
If parents do engage their children in a conversation about weight in a way that makes their children angry or defensive, parents often resort to covert scheming.
"Parents who did not speak up and share their concerns in an effective way were more likely to coerce their child to change behaviors using various forms of manipulation," said Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations, and a study co-researcher.
The researchers surveyed 392 people across the country. Of those respondents who did not speak up about their child's weight problem, 68 percent said they tried to change their child's eating habits or exercise routine without getting a full commitment from the child.
In order for parents to have a successful conversation about their child's weight, they must be willing to make a commitment, too.
"Parents must lead by example," Maxfield said. "When you sit down to talk, realize that you are looking at a long-term decision that will affect both you, your child and your relationship."
Rachel Cox, a registered dietician for the Utah Department of Health, echoes that sentiment.
"It's really a family issue. If parents have a child who is overweight, they can't single out that child," she said. "It has to be a whole family effort."
Parents must be willing to analyze their own diet and exercise habits, and make sure they aren't encouraging poor behaviors in their children, she said. Sitting down to at least one meal a day together as a family both improves children's diets and provides a comfortable space for dialogue. Also, children tend to pick up the eating habits of their mothers.
"If you don't like vegetables and you never make them, realize that you need to offer them to your children so they can have the opportunity to find out if they like vegetables," she said.
Patience is key in broaching the topic, Maxfield said, and parents must be prepared for children to say no to guidance on the issue.
"Children may not be ready to move forward," Maxfield said. "The most important thing is to make sure you listen."
smcfarland@sltrib.com
Discussing weight issues with your child
l Don't make an either/or decision: Parents can maintain a loving relationship and help their child lose weight.
l Listen - a lot: Ask children what's important then, and what they want or are willing to do.
l Become a coach, not a boss: Lead by example by demonstrating your own commitment to a healthy lifestyle.
l Motivate through natural consequences: If your child is not interested in losing weight, ask for an opportunity to present information on the topic. If your child refuses, back down until you see signs of willingness to listen.
l Maintain respect: Share everything in a way that demonstrates your unconditional love and continued respect for your child.
Source: VitalSmarts
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