Obesity Discussion Forums

[sass63]

I guess I am one of the classic abused child that turned to food for comfort because I couldn't find comfort anywhere else.

I have a very disfunctional family.

My first memory of being molested was by my grandfather when I was 7 years old. I know from the type of memory that it was not the first time it had happened.

I remember when he got sick and went to the hospital that I had wished he would die, then I changed that to just wishing he wouldnt remember what he was doing to me. But he came home and he did remember and it kept on. I remember thinking that my father didnt love me becuase he didnt do these things to me.
When I got older the threats started about how I would ruin the family if I told and it would be all my fault ect.

Then mom and dad split and my mom remarried and her husband desided I was fair game also. I went to my grandfather with this and of course he had to keep his secret so I was told to keep my mouth shut and do as I was told. I believe I was around 10 then. I think thats when it all started I would sneak cans of veges and eat the whole thing. Then ever chance I got I would eat and eat.
Then I was attacked by a friend of my fathers and something inside me broke. So I told about what my step father had been doing to me. Well that went over very well, he told my mother he wasnt the first to have me, for pete sakes I was 12 years old at that time. I got badgered into telling about my grandfather and then with in 2 weeks he had a massive heart attack and died. I was in trouble because I didnt care. ( by that time I knew what he had been doing was wrong).
My mother desided I would do what ever I could to get what I wanted so I got kicked out of the house and he stayed. I got sent to foster care and to see the shrinks but at that time it was just coming out about this type of abuse so I was a lieing little whore that was just trying to cause problems for my mother and her marriage. Nice shrink huh. He still lives with her to this day.

I didnt know how to handle a relationship with a man or boy I thought if you dont sleep with me you dont like me.
One hell of a mess I was.

I turned to drugs for a while and the eating stopped, then I got married to get away from that house. But the same problems followed me every where I went as they do.
Well the babies started to come and the drugs had to go! So it was back to food again. For a long time I felt unworthy of love and that made it worse. And getting married at 16 for the reasons that did didnt help matters either,
So with lots of problems and lots of food I ate my self to over 400lbs
Naturally I got very sick so I went and had the gastric rny done. Well guess what happened then. I started losing weight and fast and guess what happened then, OMG people started looking at me and talking to me, and the guys started talking to me, I totally freaked out.
I thought my husband didn't love me. But I thought that for a long time, Then I let some guy on line sweet talk me into things I dont care to think about now. And its all because of the reasons I got to 400lbs in the first place. I had to hide.
I freaked out so bad I left home. I packed my car and left I was going to go to this stupid guy I had been talking to because after all he really did care right? WRONG!!!!! Thank God I came to my sences before I got to far. I went to my oldest daughters instead. In the mean time I had left my two youngest children at home with there father, another bad bad move,I hurt them very badly. To them it didnt matter that I went to there sisters to them all that mattered is I left them.

I have to stop here for now I will pick up later but my heart is hurting and I just cant share anymore tonight. I know that all of you know there is a lot more to this story and its all very hard to talk about. But I have seen the good that has come from this board with people sharing their stories so it was time to start sharing mine.

[Obesity Discussion]

Sass63, that was an incredible story. I'm very glad you were able to share all this with us ; I know that was not an easy task to do, but sometimes telling personal stories helps bring people closer.

I'm sorry for all the things you had to go through, but from talking to you it seems you have turned out to be a great person. Considering everything that went on, it seems as how you conducted yourself is as good as anyone could have imagined. I envy your courage.

You went through more than just about anyone could ever imagine, and at such a young age too. I am curious, has your relationship over the years with your kids improved? Have you been able to explain to them what was going on in your mind now that they are older?

[William Wallace]

Originally Posted by sass63

I guess I am one of the classic abused child that turned to food for comfort because I couldn't find comfort anywhere else.

I have a very disfunctional family.

My first memory of being molested was by my grandfather when I was 7 years old. I know from the type of memory that it was not the first time it had happened.

I remember when he got sick and went to the hospital that I had wished he would die, then I changed that to just wishing he wouldnt remember what he was doing to me. But he came home and he did remember and it kept on. I remember thinking that my father didnt love me becuase he didnt do these things to me.
When I got older the threats started about how I would ruin the family if I told and it would be all my fault ect.

Then mom and dad split and my mom remarried and her husband desided I was fair game also. I went to my grandfather with this and of course he had to keep his secret so I was told to keep my mouth shut and do as I was told. I believe I was around 10 then. I think thats when it all started I would sneak cans of veges and eat the whole thing. Then ever chance I got I would eat and eat.
Then I was attacked by a friend of my fathers and something inside me broke. So I told about what my step father had been doing to me. Well that went over very well, he told my mother he wasnt the first to have me, for pete sakes I was 12 years old at that time. I got badgered into telling about my grandfather and then with in 2 weeks he had a massive heart attack and died. I was in trouble because I didnt care. ( by that time I knew what he had been doing was wrong).
My mother desided I would do what ever I could to get what I wanted so I got kicked out of the house and he stayed. I got sent to foster care and to see the shrinks but at that time it was just coming out about this type of abuse so I was a lieing little whore that was just trying to cause problems for my mother and her marriage. Nice shrink huh. He still lives with her to this day.

I didnt know how to handle a relationship with a man or boy I thought if you dont sleep with me you dont like me.
One hell of a mess I was.

I turned to drugs for a while and the eating stopped, then I got married to get away from that house. But the same problems followed me every where I went as they do.
Well the babies started to come and the drugs had to go! So it was back to food again. For a long time I felt unworthy of love and that made it worse. And getting married at 16 for the reasons that did didnt help matters either,
So with lots of problems and lots of food I ate my self to over 400lbs
Naturally I got very sick so I went and had the gastric rny done. Well guess what happened then. I started losing weight and fast and guess what happened then, OMG people started looking at me and talking to me, and the guys started talking to me, I totally freaked out.
I thought my husband didn't love me. But I thought that for a long time, Then I let some guy on line sweet talk me into things I dont care to think about now. And its all because of the reasons I got to 400lbs in the first place. I had to hide.
I freaked out so bad I left home. I packed my car and left I was going to go to this stupid guy I had been talking to because after all he really did care right? WRONG!!!!! Thank God I came to my sences before I got to far. I went to my oldest daughters instead. In the mean time I had left my two youngest children at home with there father, another bad bad move,I hurt them very badly. To them it didnt matter that I went to there sisters to them all that mattered is I left them.

I have to stop here for now I will pick up later but my heart is hurting and I just cant share anymore tonight. I know that all of you know there is a lot more to this story and its all very hard to talk about. But I have seen the good that has come from this board with people sharing their stories so it was time to start sharing mine.

OMG Sass, that is awful that you had to go through so much and to me it's amazing that through it all, you seemed to have perservered. A lot of people couldn't have dealt with the horrible things you have been through. You are a very strong person, I must say. My heart goes out to you.

You could have done many things worse with your anger, frustration, confusion, depression, etc. I am curious, have you ever considered speaking publically about any of this? I know you can't go back in time, but I bet what you have experienced could help others who may be in similar situations.

We're all here to support you through everything, and thank you so much for sharing such a personal piece with us. I am sure it wasn't easy. I look forward to hearing more.

[sass63]

Originally Posted by Obesity Discussion

Sass63, that was an incredible story. I'm very glad you were able to share all this with us ; I know that was not an easy task to do, but sometimes telling personal stories helps bring people closer.

I'm sorry for all the things you had to go through, but from talking to you it seems you have turned out to be a great person. Considering everything that went on, it seems as how you conducted yourself is as good as anyone could have imagined. I envy your courage.

You went through more than just about anyone could ever imagine, and at such a young age too. I am curious, has your relationship over the years with your kids improved? Have you been able to explain to them what was going on in your mind now that they are older?

My kids are the world to me and yes the relationships have improved with lots and lots of hard work.
We are all very close now. And sence they are all grown they know everything I wrote here and a lot of the other stuff as well. This was just a tiny bit of what my world was like as a child.

[sass63]

Originally Posted by William Wallace

OMG Sass, that is awful that you had to go through so much and to me it's amazing that through it all, you seemed to have perservered. A lot of people couldn't have dealt with the horrible things you have been through. You are a very strong person, I must say. My heart goes out to you.

You could have done many things worse with your anger, frustration, confusion, depression, etc. I am curious, have you ever considered speaking publically about any of this? I know you can't go back in time, but I bet what you have experienced could help others who may be in similar situations.

We're all here to support you through everything, and thank you so much for sharing such a personal piece with us. I am sure it wasn't easy. I look forward to hearing more.

I dont think I could ever speak in public about it, But I have a dream of one day helping the molested children. They need people like me that have been there,
I was told all kinds of things the 2 biggest things that are huge issues for me are that I was told that I would molest my children and as long as you have the "tools" you'll be fine. Both of those statements are told to millions of kids and its all bull!
Just because you have been molested doesnt mean your going to do that to your kids. And even after all these years and knowing all the "tools" it still can come back and give me a big ol slap in the face.
When I had my first son I was scared to death of him. Scared to death that what I had been told was true. It really effected the bonding process. By the time my second son was born I knew what they told me was a bunch of bull so I bonded well with him, But my first son and I are just now finally starting to have a strong relationship, now that he has kids of his own he can understand the fear I had and that it was beacuse I never wanted to hurt him, backfired big time but at least now we are finally getting close and are starting to have a tight bond.

[Obesity Discussion]

Originally Posted by sass63

My kids are the world to me and yes the relationships have improved with lots and lots of hard work.
We are all very close now. And sence they are all grown they know everything I wrote here and a lot of the other stuff as well. This was just a tiny bit of what my world was like as a child.

Hopefully that relationship continues to grow, and that your kids and their kids grow up in a wonderful caring environment that you have helped foster over recent years.

[sass63]

Originally Posted by Obesity Discussion

Hopefully that relationship continues to grow, and that your kids and their kids grow up in a wonderful caring environment that you have helped foster over recent years.

I sure hope so its so hard to break the chain of abuse in families. And even today I learned that somehow no matter how hard I tried my childhood effects the way that at least on of my children thinks, It made me very sad. But I have to stay strong and positive. I know that I did the very best job I could do and they all know how much I love them, and I will always no matter what be there for them when they need me.

[Irving]

quite the story my dear sass63 and it is admirable that you had the courage to not only live through it but share it with us. thank you very much for opening yourself to us

you have been a fighter all your life and that positive trait i am sure will be passed on to your kids and their kids

[sass63]

Originally Posted by Irving

quite the story my dear sass63 and it is admirable that you had the courage to not only live through it but share it with us. thank you very much for opening yourself to us

you have been a fighter all your life and that positive trait i am sure will be passed on to your kids and their kids

Thanks Irving, yes I have been a fighter all my life and I dont know how to give up on those I love.
I guess thats because I never felt like there was anyone there for me.
It also makes me very stuburn lol which is not always a good thing.

[William Wallace]

Originally Posted by sass63

I dont think I could ever speak in public about it, But I have a dream of one day helping the molested children. They need people like me that have been there,
I was told all kinds of things the 2 biggest things that are huge issues for me are that I was told that I would molest my children and as long as you have the "tools" you'll be fine. Both of those statements are told to millions of kids and its all bull!
Just because you have been molested doesnt mean your going to do that to your kids. And even after all these years and knowing all the "tools" it still can come back and give me a big ol slap in the face.
When I had my first son I was scared to death of him. Scared to death that what I had been told was true. It really effected the bonding process. By the time my second son was born I knew what they told me was a bunch of bull so I bonded well with him, But my first son and I are just now finally starting to have a strong relationship, now that he has kids of his own he can understand the fear I had and that it was beacuse I never wanted to hurt him, backfired big time but at least now we are finally getting close and are starting to have a tight bond.

It sounds like your relationships are getting better with your kids which is a good thing. I am sure your children as they get older will appreciate everything you have done a lot more. It took me many years to appreciate what my parents had done for me.

[sass63]

Originally Posted by William Wallace

It sounds like your relationships are getting better with your kids which is a good thing. I am sure your children as they get older will appreciate everything you have done a lot more. It took me many years to appreciate what my parents had done for me.

That is very true the older they get the more they understand that everything I have done was what I thought was the best for them.
Have a very happy day!

[Merle]

Sass63 I cannot believe I missed this post! You are such an amazing person for having such an upbeat positive attitude given everything that has gone on. You are a poster child for the phrase "taking lemons and making lemonade!" You truly are an inspiration.

[sass63]

Originally Posted by Merle

Sass63 I cannot believe I missed this post! You are such an amazing person for having such an upbeat positive attitude given everything that has gone on. You are a poster child for the phrase "taking lemons and making lemonade!" You truly are an inspiration.

Thanks for the nice words a lot of times its hard to be upbeat but I just try to remember that even with the way my life has been there are people out there that have had it a lot worse. And looking at it like that helps me get through the bad times that I still have.