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Originally Posted by sass63  I guess I am one of the classic abused child that turned to food for comfort because I couldn't find comfort anywhere else.
I have a very disfunctional family.
My first memory of being molested was by my grandfather when I was 7 years old. I know from the type of memory that it was not the first time it had happened.
I remember when he got sick and went to the hospital that I had wished he would die, then I changed that to just wishing he wouldnt remember what he was doing to me. But he came home and he did remember and it kept on. I remember thinking that my father didnt love me becuase he didnt do these things to me.
When I got older the threats started about how I would ruin the family if I told and it would be all my fault ect.
Then mom and dad split and my mom remarried and her husband desided I was fair game also. I went to my grandfather with this and of course he had to keep his secret so I was told to keep my mouth shut and do as I was told. I believe I was around 10 then. I think thats when it all started I would sneak cans of veges and eat the whole thing. Then ever chance I got I would eat and eat.
Then I was attacked by a friend of my fathers and something inside me broke. So I told about what my step father had been doing to me. Well that went over very well, he told my mother he wasnt the first to have me, for pete sakes I was 12 years old at that time. I got badgered into telling about my grandfather and then with in 2 weeks he had a massive heart attack and died. I was in trouble because I didnt care. ( by that time I knew what he had been doing was wrong).
My mother desided I would do what ever I could to get what I wanted so I got kicked out of the house and he stayed. I got sent to foster care and to see the shrinks but at that time it was just coming out about this type of abuse so I was a lieing little whore that was just trying to cause problems for my mother and her marriage. Nice shrink huh. He still lives with her to this day.
I didnt know how to handle a relationship with a man or boy I thought if you dont sleep with me you dont like me.
One hell of a mess I was.
I turned to drugs for a while and the eating stopped, then I got married to get away from that house. But the same problems followed me every where I went as they do.
Well the babies started to come and the drugs had to go! So it was back to food again. For a long time I felt unworthy of love and that made it worse. And getting married at 16 for the reasons that did didnt help matters either,
So with lots of problems and lots of food I ate my self to over 400lbs
Naturally I got very sick so I went and had the gastric rny done. Well guess what happened then. I started losing weight and fast and guess what happened then, OMG people started looking at me and talking to me, and the guys started talking to me, I totally freaked out.
I thought my husband didn't love me. But I thought that for a long time, Then I let some guy on line sweet talk me into things I dont care to think about now. And its all because of the reasons I got to 400lbs in the first place. I had to hide.
I freaked out so bad I left home. I packed my car and left I was going to go to this stupid guy I had been talking to because after all he really did care right? WRONG!!!!! Thank God I came to my sences before I got to far. I went to my oldest daughters instead. In the mean time I had left my two youngest children at home with there father, another bad bad move,I hurt them very badly. To them it didnt matter that I went to there sisters to them all that mattered is I left them.
I have to stop here for now I will pick up later but my heart is hurting and I just cant share anymore tonight. I know that all of you know there is a lot more to this story and its all very hard to talk about. But I have seen the good that has come from this board with people sharing their stories so it was time to start sharing mine. |
OMG Sass, that is awful that you had to go through so much and to me it's amazing that through it all, you seemed to have perservered. A lot of people couldn't have dealt with the horrible things you have been through. You are a very strong person, I must say. My heart goes out to you.
You could have done many things worse with your anger, frustration, confusion, depression, etc. I am curious, have you ever considered speaking publically about any of this? I know you can't go back in time, but I bet what you have experienced could help others who may be in similar situations.
We're all here to support you through everything, and thank you so much for sharing such a personal piece with us. I am sure it wasn't easy. I look forward to hearing more.
