[William Wallace]

Originally Posted by shpoog

great, and thank you for the warm welcome!

Originally Posted by shpoog

my mother has been obese for as long as i can remember, at least 25 years. i've tried through the years to talk with her about it but it's always a difficult conversation to have. she's 67 years old and things aren't improving. her mobility is decreasing, she doesn't have much stamina, arthritis, etc.

several years ago i tried to participate in forums like this but it was a really negative experience. to my surprise, i was berated for trying to change her and people questioned my love for someone that i couldn't accept. this was a gross manipulation of reality and i realized that their mindset was more about obesity acceptance rather than dealing with the issues.

my mother means the world to me and i want to make sure she's with us for a long time and healthy. i don't know if she considers herself obese. at the same time, i don't think she sees someone skinny when she looks in the mirror either. i just don't know what is going on.

what i do know is that i want to do whatever i can to address the issue and to help her get on the track of losing weight. does anyone have thoughts or ideas?

forgive me if this thread has already been discussed. i'm certain i'm not the only person asking these questions.

We're all about healthy change here, and it's for the best for your mother's health and for your family in the long run. I doubt you'll get ANY pushback here!

Well, first and foremost, your mom is going to have to want to lose weight, and she is going to have to be willing to commit to a lifestyle change, not a diet. The question is how do you convince her this is a good thing?

A good heart to heart is always a good start, and the more family members you can get involved at the same time the better. That will emphasize the importance of this issue to her. You need to be delicate though, no accusations......

Start off with something like:

Listen, there is something we all have been meaning to talk to you about, and it would really mean a lot to us if you would let us sit down with you and discuss this. Don't surprise her with it, because when people are suprised they get defensive. Plan ahead. Let her know the family wants to get together to talk about this. That way she won't be shocked and surprised.

Explain to her that the reason everyone is here to talk to her is because they love her very much and are concerned about her well being. She make act surprised and not be sure what you are going to say, but tell her you are all concerned about her current and future health. Reassure her that you all want her to live a long healthy life, and that you discuss how we can make it happen. Try not to point fingers and say you you you.....as much as possible say we want to help.....make her feel like this is a group effort thing not a singling out thing. Also maybe don't single out weight specifically, but word it like "we think there are some things you could do better to help you live a long healthy life."

That's when you bring up the concerns about mobility issues, cardiovascular risks, diabetes risk, etc, and we want to see how we can avoid these issues now and in the future.

She may agree with you to shut you up or end the conversation, but keep an eye out for whether she's truly sincere or not. Let her know how important it is for the grandkids to have their grandma while they grow up, for their kids to have someone to come to, and make sure she knows how important of a component she is to the family, like an important part to a machine that won't function well without her. Once she realizes how important she is to everyone that should make her want to stick around.

If she does not realize this just yet, it may be necessary to ask her if she understands the health risks of not making a change. Everything from 50% higher cancer risk, to higher risk of heart attack, stroke, immobility, bone/joint issues, sleeping problems, insurability, etc. Don't tell her in a way that will make her terrified. For example,

Don't say you'll be 50% more likely to get cancer, explain that by losing weight she'll be 50% less likely to get cancer, she'll be less likely to have a heart attack/stroke, etc IF she loses weight, and that you know she doesn't want to endure any of those things.

It's never too late in life to get started, contrary to what she thinks, and you need to let her know she has the support and encouragement from the entire family if she is willing to work on her health.

After she is willing to commit, you then need to talk about how you are going to get there. Don't throw everything at her at once, explain that the first step is to start with eating changes. Get her to commit to mapping out what she eats on a daily basis (calories, fat, protein, and carbs), and explain that very likely we will need to reduce the calories she is consuming. Get her be ok with that, and explain to her about calorie deficits, and that each 3500 calories she cuts out of her diet will be one pound that she won't put on. Let her know this can be done over a long period, say by setting up a calorie deficit of 500 calories a day so that in one week she should lose about a pound. (Explain that a calorie deficit is consuming less calories than you expend).

This should get you started, and if she is willing to do this, we can help you plan out an eating plan just for her.