[jennav]

This is my way of making myself accountable:

I was always a good size for me. I wore a size 7 clothes and I was fit and comfortable. My weight fluctuated by 5lbs on any given season - no more than that.

In 2003 I had knee surgery....put me out for 2 months on my butt, then took almost 4 months after that to get back to close to normal activity. One month after normality in 2004.......Then came knee surgery #2......same deal, another 6 months to get life back, a little heavier than before. One month later I was nearly crippled with a disease that no one figured out until the end of 2005. I was scheduled for brain surgery in Jan 2006, but at the last minute they decided that an alternative spinal cord surgery might (might) do a better job. -- Spinal cord surgery Jan 2006, 8 months of slow healing and finally I'm ok. So I am ready for excercise and a diet......but with a lot more weight on. EXCEPT, a couple months later, hubby and I (more like just me) gets pregnant. Doc says.....very high risk (because of my other issues, not weight or age) so NO excercising, NO dieting for the baby. OK.....I spend the last 5 weeks of pregnancy in the hospital and have my daughter 6 weeks early (c-section, yet another surgery to heal from). NO dieting while breastfeeding! Great! Now my daughter is about to be one, so doc says it's ok to start a reasonable diet because baby is no longer getting prime nutrition from me even though she still nurses.

So here I am, trying as hard as I can, but knowing that no matter what I've been through, I still could have prevented this, early on. But now I have to endure some suffering to get back to my normal. How will I get there? I can't be fat for my daughter's second birthday. I'm tired of hiding from the camera, my husband is in most of the pics with our baby because I just can't do it. How sad.

I hope I can do this.

Thanks for listening!