[vntrgirl]

Hi...I was posting to introduce myself when i realized what motivation I need.
For so long I have always been that girl who takes it...gets pushed aside...gets dismissed as over emotional, demanding...I can still hear echos of you talk to much....or you'd make a good lawyer...or maybe the one thing i'm afraid of..you're just like your mother(not in a good way). I am so afraid that, well.......what if I lose all this weight that is holding me back but turns out not to be the weight that's holding me back? I find myself saying over and over why don't I just deserved to be loved? Why can't I be strong? I see all these great things happening to people who are mean and deceptive and I get nothing. And then like that doesn't make me feel bad enough I have to yell at myself for feeling like i'm entitled to get something handed to me. It's like this everyday. It's to the point where it hurts me to read others telling strangers that they are worth something because I so desperately want to be told I am worth something. Which through my tear covered face and runny nose brings me back to my first sentense...I need to know I am worth something. Why is that so hard to learn? Why does it hurt? It's a simple declaration...I am worth something. It just doesn't feel true..or right..it's more...it doesn't even feel like a possablility. But I pick up my head and dismiss the feeling and move on. Trouble is now that I have a new husband and all new responsibility it becomes more appearant that I can't even think about raising children by teaching them to repress things and I just, well....if I ever had a daughter who felt this way about herself, I would never forgive myself. Well now that we all know that I tend to ramble and you probably think I'm a little crazy (although I promise i'm not) we have a breakthrough in changing my self esteem (i hope) and maybe a healthier life and a happier life. Funny I joined because I want to lose weight so i can feel strong and be thin and feel sexy and be taken seriously, a confident lady. to my surprise i think i'm afraid to be her...
well on the business end i was hoping someone could share some point of view on metabolic typing that didn't stem from Dr. mercola. It seems like I could help portion my plates better(simpler) if my body truely did react differently because of or some form of metabolic typing.
I need help and I don't have anyone close to me that i can count on...so i'm here. It's nice to meet you.