[StaceyA]

Well, I wanted to join here so I could have others to talk to. So I guess I should start by getting ALOT off my chest. That should help for starters. And maybe help me find others with the same problem. So I guess I am going to try and sum up most of my problems in one big jump.

I am 24 years old. I have a 5 years old daughter. She is my everything. I would be in jail or deaded by now if I didn't have here.

My whole life I have been over weight. Why over weight. I can remember being in 1st grade and other kids calling me tug boat. I grew up with over weight parents. I never got along with others in school. And the few "friends" I have ever had have some way or another slipted out of my life. And most of them in a bad manner. Leaving a sour taste in my mouth. To the point I have no friends now. I never went to games, prom, home coming. I didn't even want to go to my graduation. I lived with a step mother that hated me. A sister that was 6 years younger then me. And so jelous that she made my life horrible. My mother choose a man over me when I was about 10.

I had a never rocky life with my daughters father. He was the first man that ever truely cared about me. But he cared about drinking more then anything. So I finally seperated from him for the 3rd and finally time a year ago. It was very hard. And I gained probably 80 pounds over the 2 years it took for us to fully split.

So now I am 302 pounds. I always told myself I would shoot myself if I EVER weighted over 300 pounds. So I just wanted to die when I saw that. Which I would NEVER take my life now. My daughter needs me so very much. I could never do that to her. But it leaves me hating myself more then ever. I don't want the food to control me. But it does. I sit and think in my head. I hate you. You are worthless. why can't you stop eating as I am shoving food in my mouth. I hate it. And some how I have to stop it.

I want so bad to be able to have more energy, more happiness, more williness for my daughter. She always wants to do things. But I never want to. And sometimes I will like I am depriving her. And I don't want her to pick up my habits. I don't want her to end up like me.

Now that I am in tears I think I will stop there. I am sure I will write more about myself soon.