[Chrisydj]

I'm having trouble eating right this week. We've gotten some really bad news about my kids dad. I took him to the er monday morning because he started having seziures sunday night. They did a ct on his head and found a mass in the right side of his brain. Then they did an mri and found more smaller masses in the left side of his brain. So they did a ct on his chest and found something in his lungs and say it is a 99% chance of lung cancer. I havent told the kids yet because we arent sure that it is cancer, but the stress of it all is making me want to eat. Yesterday I went and had a great big greasy onion burger and fries and today i had pizza. I feel horrible about eating like that. And I know food is only a bandaid for the stress and worry and will only make my health worse. But right now all I wanna do is cry and eat. But since the kids dont know how bad it is yet I cant cry. I'm dreading telling my daughter that her worst fear about her smoker father is come true. She has begged him for years to stop smoking and he keeps promising that he will but he never does. Even now he is trying to convice the nurses to let him go outside and smoke. He could die and all he can think about is smoking and all I can think about is a gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Thank goodness I dont have any in the house. I did buy some sugar free ice cream bars and I had one but i want another. I know i dont need another but I want one. The strange thing about how upset I am about the news is that he is my x husband. We've been divorced for 7 years. But it scares me that he could die. My kids need their dad as much as they need me. GOD I WANNA EAT!