[Kumquat76]

I guess just like most teenagers my biggest concern was fitting in.

I was in band all through High School and I remember being terrified of getting fitted for a marching uniform. I just KNEW they wouldn't have one big enough for me. Well of course they did, but I hated getting measured and fitted every year. The band played at all the football games and also marched in parades. I was so scared of marching in my first parade. I didn't know if I could walk that far. And if I couldn't, what was I going to do? I made it all the way to the end, but it took everything I had. My calves were burning, my feet hurt and I was on the edge of tears, but I made it.

I never got to wear any of the fashion fads because, like you said, I never could find one in my size. I had a hard time finding clothes period. Most of the plus size clothes looked like stuff my grandmother wore. One of the greatest things that I found was the men's department. I know that sounds funny, but men's big and tall shops carried clothes more in line with what a teenager would wear. Or at least what I wanted to wear. Polo shirts, t shirts, shorts, etc.

Dating was difficult in high school. I had boyfriends but they would always get teased because they were dating the "fat girl." One of my friends actually paid her older brother to take me to homecoming one year. Talk about humiliating.

One thing that has always bothered me is the way overweight people are portrayed in movies and on television. If someone wants to play a joke on the football team captain, they set him up with the fat girl. Or as a joke the popular girls set the fat girl up to run for homecoming queen. So I projected this on myself. Even when people were generally being nice to me, I usually ignored it out of fear that I was going to become the butt of someone's joke.

Eventually my one saving grace growing up was my own sense of humor. My mother told me to laugh at myself before anyone else got the chance. So I did. *I* started making the fat jokes, and saying funny things about myself being fat. In my experience, in a way it disarms people. After I started making the jokes, I didn't get teased near as often. It may not the most emotionally healty way to deal with things, but it helped me through.

I hope this helps. I know it's random and choppy but I was trying to think of several things to cover. If you have any further questions, or need some more info just let me know.

Thanks,
Tammy