[NeedingHelp]

I'm back, and even more lost, and I don't mean weight. I don't mean to seem like I only come here in times of need but I'm just so busy all of the time with school and extra curricular and trying to have some kind of life besides school.

I'm 17 now... and I've probably gained over 25 pounds since I last posted here. I can't even believe it, I'm completely out of control. I don't want to die early, and I want to be happy.

I'm depressed, depressed beyond what I've ever felt before. I don't want to be around my family and I HATE going to school. I can't even describe how much I hate school. My grades are always on my mind and I'm so desperate to lose weight. So desperate...

I hate my life right now, I hate it.

I know I need to lose weight, I know how to do it but I can't push myself. I'm so physically and mentally exhausted that when I come from school the last thing I want to do is exercise. When I see good food, I eat it. I want to, and I tell myself I'll start eating better later. Another time, next time, tomorrow, next week, next month... that's what my life is now. Making it to the next day, finishing my homework for the next class, eating better next week... It's all numbers and it's all plans and nothing I actually want to do anymore.

I guess I just needed to vent somewhere, there's probably nothing anyone can tell me but suck it up and do what I need to do. The sad thing is I know that, and I don't want to...