[elderboots]

I know that I have told everyone that I have had some surgeries for my back. I have been trying to get rehabilitated, and get back to work. Ever since I have been off work I have felt kinda worthless. I have worked all of my life. I had my last surgery in October, and was hoping very badly to get well enough to return to work. Over the last 2 months I have been in therapy, and work conditioning. After that I was given a FCE ( Functional Capacity Exam). Well that test did not go very well. Today I had my last Dr. visit. This visit was to go over the results of my exam, and to let me know where I stood on going back to work. The Dr. told me today that I will never return to my old job. He said that my back will never be able to hold up to that kind of work anymore. As if I didn't feel worthless enough! Now I have to look at going into something that I do not have to use my back. This means that I will have to go back to school. To do what? I am not quite sure yet. I know that I must think positive, but this is proving harder than it sounds. Not being able to walk , and run like I used to anymore makes me want to find comfort in other things such as food. The Dr. said today that if I could change my diet that I may be able to control some of the pain better. I need to figure out how many calories per day I need. I also need to figure out what kind of exercises I can do that will be more low impact, but still enough to lose the weight. I know that if I could just begin to lose I would be able to feel better about myself. Going back to college at 31, and having to be around all those younger people frightens me a little too. I feel like others are making fun of me. My self esteem is really low right now. Under the circumstances, what should I do now? Didn't mean to be so long. Sometimes when I get started it's hard to stop. Thanks!