[DonnaB]

I have a doctor picked out, but not a definite date yet. I am working with the doctors at the Peace River Bariatric Center (they have a wonderful and informative site, but the board software won't allow me to use links yet) in Port Charlotte, Florida. I had originally been told by another doctor last Spring that I would have to lose 50 pounds to be considered. That doctor has since left the area, so when I reached the 50 pound goal I made an appointment with Peace River. My surgeon, Dr Iqbal, wants me to lose another 50 pounds so I can safely undergo the vertical sleeve gastrectomy procedure. It is a hybrid procedure of the lapband and gastric bypass (RNY) surgeries and although originally designed to be a step one of two, my doctor believes it is the long term solution for me. The additional weightloss pre-surgery makes it safer for the doctors to use the DaVinci robotic surgery technique. I watched a video online the other night of the procedure....it was....um, graphic....but fascinating to me.

VSG differs from RNY bypass because it does not bypass the intestines, so the risks of dumping and malabsorbtion are not present. It is similar to lapbanding, but is permanent. About 85% of the stomache is removed--the portion of the stomache which controls the hunger reflex and the aborbtion of vitamin B12. Theoretically, a VSG does not feel hunger, though the information I have read indicates some patients do feel some hunger pangs post-surgery. Whether this is true hunger or what my counselor calls "mouth hunger" remains to be seen I guess. Because the pylorus remains and the intestines are not bypassed, with VSG there is no risk of marginal ulcers, vitamin deficiencies and intestinal obstructions.

I have to admit, I was originally hesitant about WLS. As a long-time member of an online community for BBW and their admirers, I had heard all the horror stories and nay-sayers. Plus, I had worked damned long and hard to develop a solid sense of self esteem and even spent some time as a model for a BBW site. A lot of my identity as a person comes from being "the fat chick." So I can say pretty confidently that this decision did not come lightly and I am not having this surgery for vanity reasons. I just got tired of dealing with the bad stuff that comes with being extremely large. I know that even after surgery, I will probably never be what society in general considers skinny and that's ok with me. I just want to be healthy....to be able to walk my dog without getting winded, to shop in the mall without having to stop and rest every little while, to not have constant pain or to take several medications for my BP and diabetes.

As a fat girl, I have been on every diet out there. Currently, I have lost about 60 pounds since last April (about two dress sizes) by using a modified version of the South Beach/diabetic diet. I eat five small meals a day, heavy in protein and light in carbs and fat. I gave up soda, processed sugar and salt and try to eat whole foods whenever possible. I have a meeting with a nutritionist this coming Friday to discuss a more structured plan. There is a distinct possibility I will have to go on a liquid diet to lose the extra weight pre-surgery. Although I am not thrilled with this prospect, I have accepted that it has come to the point of "whatever it takes to get the job done."

And yeah, somedays being fat just plain sucks, Willow.