As a present for enduring 15 years in a severely challenging marriage, a consistantly high stress level, which required two surgeries and a medical intuitive to correct, a legal separation, the fall-out of learning about stunning betrayals which took place during the marriage, etc, I gave myself a "gift" of a non-invasive, 45 minute plastic surgery procedure that set the clock back 20 years --- giving me the face I had in my 20's. The success of this procedure has helped set the stage for re-building my life, and was an important boost for the 97 pounds
I have to lose this year through diet and relentless exercise. When I met my now former husband, 17 years ago, I had a model's face and figure. Pictures from that time bespeak of a happy, if naive, carefree woman with the world at her hands.
This is not a story of "he done me wrong." But a short (ok, Biblical) take on how I betrayed myself. At nearly 6 feet tall and still muscular, I wore the weight well and didn't notice how many pounds I was putting on. At first. If my clothes were tight, I'd simply diet a while, get into my "thin clothes" and forget about it. Thank God this is anonymous (it is, isn't it?), because it's hard to admit that NOT weighing myself from 1994 until January 1, 2007, was clearly a major betrayal in my own weight management (understatement). If you want to gain 97 pounds, don't step on the scale for 14 years. Indeed, I take total responsibility for my weight, and acknowledge how my betrayal of SELF was the most agregious act of all. As I am discovering, my weight gain mind-set, subequent denial, and serious depression (the latter of which I hid from everyone brilliantly, including myself, for years) had serious energetic ramifications on my body change, just as much as the obvious: burning far less calories than I was consuming.
Apologies for this long message, but I submit this because I am sure there are many who are dealing with very powerful emotions as the body begins to purge fat, inches begin to melt, and as our relationship with food comes into extreme focus. The healing time from my recent procedure allowed me to become very still, and largely, verbally silent for three weeks---by choice. I rarely went out, save walking 90 minutes per day. As a "gregarious" personality (that's the real me) this has been quite a change. As stated, I denied keen depression until very recently. Somehow, this recent down time in silence and prayer brought EVERYTHING up. And it's not over yet, not by a long-shot.
In essence, I saw what I wanted to see. Period. I now see myself a great deal more clearly, though it's an on-going journey to be sure, it feels pretty darn good to be given a chance to begin again. I guess when we're finally ready to hear truth, we listen.
Love to hear your thoughts and experiences if you care to share.
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