[caniwasteurtime2]

So I haven't been on since I joined pretty much, which was about a month ago? Who knows. All I know is I've pretty much sucked at all of this stuff. I know EXACTLY what to do to lose weight, but my infatuation with food is a necessity my brain is having trouble letting go of. I know I need to eat less than I burn, thats what fat loss IS. My troubles come in the form of addiction.

Today I had a calzone and breadsticks. Instead of controlling myself, I let myself eat until I felt like I was going to literally vomit. My obsession and dependence on this comfort is bringing me to my whits end. I'm ready to throw my hands up and just eat myself into an early grave at times. I know it's not how my life will end though.

I'm currently staring at the screen, knowing that as of tomorrow, my new obsession will be to become the me I've wanted to be since I was 11 and bigger than anyone else in my school. The me I wanted to be all through highschool when I starved myself, and hated who I was. I need to love me and learn to live as the me I will be in a year. I know I can make my goal, and I'm going to do it. I don't care what I have to do. I know I have to lose weight to survive, and that is a powerful thought. I don't want to die trapped in my own skin.