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Originally Posted by grneggs  thank you all for all your supporting words... there hasn't been any changes in what i'm doing. the only thing that has changed is that i want a change more than anything. i started school, and has a lot of things going on.. but nothing i can't handle.. after my initial blog, i was determined to be more aware of what i eat and to reduce my caloric intake. But it didn't happen. i am aware that i eat all the time, and my choices are sooooooooooooo poor. i'll have a healthier meal at home, when all i want to do is to drive to mcdonalds and buy the big mac meal. I am sooooooooo depressed. is this what drug addicts and alcoholics feel like?? like they really want to change, and stop... but can't???? then, why am i so judgemental of those people??? i have so many good reasons to be healthy.. but i'm determined to hurt myself.. i read everyone's blogs here.. and there are so many of you out there that are so determined and are doing what needs to be done. even if its little things, its things to improve the quality of life. i couldn't tell you how many years have gone by where i've been so hateful of me, and how my life is... i haven't been happy in so many years... always this in the background. i was noticing all the pictures in my house. i'm not in any of my pictures... only here and there... my kids are growing up, and there's no real significant envents that i can show where i was present with them. because i hate myself in the pictures. my kids are missing out on a healthy, happy mommy. instead, they get this.. which is not the real, happy me. i don't mean to bring anyone down... reading this will not motivate you guys..and i apologize... but i feel so depressed all the time.. and i really don't have anyone else to discuss this with. i'm so ashamed of myself.. |
Remember, you have to be mentally ready to make this committment, because this is a lifestyle change, not some quick fix. It seems that day by day you are getting yourself more geared up for it, but I do not recommend starting until you have your mindset ready to commit. Sometimes it just takes talking things through, and building up a little courage (with the help of our support of course
). Just know that we will all be here for you through the entire process, to support you and cheer you on! Just coming here and understanding what the problems are put you many steps ahead of most. You realize there is something that needs fixing, identified the problem, and are looking to make a change.
Surprisingly, what you are experiencing is similar to what drug/alcohol addicts experience. It's not easy by any means to overcome this, which is why you have us to cheer you on and support you!
You should use your kids as motiviation. I know you want to be there for your kids, and be there for a long time, and see their kids grow up too, and be able to play with all of them.
There is no need to apologize for writing this, because this is exactly why this place exists. A place where people can get whatever off their chests, talk to people enduring similar issues, and get a group of great people behind you to help you achieve your goals in life.
There is no reason for you to feel ashamed, if anything you should feel proud of yourself for taking some of the right steps towards making a better life for you and your kids.
Just let us know how we can help you accomplish your goals.